Take control of your feelings

"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent."
Eleanor Roosevelt
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Lately, I've been feeling down because one of my sister's has a way of putting down things in my life and at the same time making herself look better.  She doesn't do it in an obvious manner, and I've tried to call her on it several times and she managed to turn the conversation around to make me feel even worse.  Her comments are very insidious and have a way of pointing out the inferiority of my choices and the superiority of her own.  Comments that her daughter makes underline the fact that she passes on these judgemental comments to her child. 

I have been getting angry about it for awhile and even questioned some of my decisions because of it. I have been torn with trying to handle it while still being a big sister.  My first thought was to stop interacting with her.  But this is not practical because she is my sister after all and I do love her.  But she is hurting me with her words. So what do I do?

I searched the web to find out why others belittle others.  Why do some people feel the need to put others down (even if it is not conscious) to make themselves look better.  And what I learned was pretty interesting.  It is a learned behavior.  I'm sure it was learned in our rough childhood.  My mom did it to us and now my sister is doing it to me.  It's her way of controlling something in her life because she has several things going on in her life that aren't so good.  She's pessimistic and judgemental ... and up until this morning it bugged the hell out of me.

Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.
Eleanor Roosevelt

I really like this quote. It's true.  Just realizing what she is doing and how she is coming from a pessimistic dark place when she judges and belittles, has helped refocus me.  If I nurture optimism in myself I can turn anything she says around and not feel bad about it.  She's been rubbing off on me and I often find myself in a bad mood after interacting with her.  However, now that I am going to work on my optimism and strengthen those neuro-net connections in my brain, well, perhaps a reversal will happen.  Perhaps, I will rub off on her!